Dates…

Hmmm, I don’t know how I feel about dates. The concept is a lovely one but I find that it can lead to some awkward situations. You see shows like Sex and The City and it makes it look so alluring. The excitement of getting ready, having the guy pick you up or meeting under the city bridge. Oh, the romance! However it’s not quite like that in reality, is it?

Firstly, the most important thing I have to consider is my IBS. I get such bad stomach aches and being in a car can really set it off. Then add going to restaurants and trying different food etc – GEEZ! It’s a nightmare. I don’t exactly want to tinge a first date with the whole ‘oh by the way! My bowels can be temperamental’ thing so I keep shtump. It’s always on my mind though and can flare up at any moment – for example, on a plane, like I recently experienced! Telling the air hostess I was severe diarrhea and having to move seats to the front to be close to the toilet wasn’t exactly the most enjoyable of experiences, I must admit!

 Then there’s the awkward ‘who’s paying’ moment. I’m in two mindsets. I like old fashioned courtesy and even my brother was nagging my best friend and I to just let the guy pay on the first date. My best friend argued and said she wouldn’t allow it (but that’s because her boyfriend isn’t at all a gent and she’s probably been forced to accept this on his low wage!) but my brother told her she’s stupid and that she should allow the guy to because it’s rude if not.

Both my exes spoiled me rotten. They always paid for dinner (though on occasion I would, or I’d buy dessert) but they wouldn’t usually let me pay. I would spoil them with gifts and thoughtful things however… But as I said, I am old fashioned and believe guys should hold doors open for women and pay on the first date (though always be prepared to pay and actually have money, just in case!) But the last date I went on I refused to let him pay for me. He offered numerous times and I argued with him until he finally let me pay half. That set the precedent for the rest of our dates/activities and then I was left feeling a little disappointed because he wasn’t exactly a gent on the first date. Which is silly, because I made it so! It’s tricky because I like it when a man pays on the first date (it’s courteous and old fashioned) yet I feel very uncomfortable letting them do so and usually force them to accept MY way. I went for drinks a while back with a guy and was so adamant that he wouldn’t pay that I ended up buying the drinks! It was only two J20’s to be fair, but still. I said I would pay and had my money and he said no he would. I argued and said no no, I will and so he accepted it and let me pay. That did put me off a little though. Even the guys around us at the bar looked at him a little strangely, almost as if to say: You’re going to let the lady pay!? 

Anyway, the point of this post. Well, that time has come. I need to start going on dates. I’ve been asked on so many and never go! The only one I went on with was that trainee doctor and we still speak every day now. It’s just unfortunate that it can’t work because he’s in the states and then will be in Wales! 

There are a few guys who have asked me on dates, mainly via POF (that dating website I mentioned before). Some are very attractive actually and there are a few guys that I’ve started speaking to within the past few days who I would like to date perhaps! There are a few who want to take me out next week though.

One isn’t particularly brainy. His dad is a successful journalist (DAMN! Shoulda had the dad instead hahaha!) but he’s a mechanical engineer – so not particularly intelligent. It’s obvious to me but not perhaps others. He said to me ‘look, just go on a date with me. I will pick you up, take you out somewhere. We may enjoy ourselves and have fun, I may end up thinking it was a complete waste of time and my money. But we will find out!’ It made me laugh and so I agreed to go with him (this conversation was over text, by the way!) I met him in person on a night out – he’s a shot guy in a club. He’s very handsome though possibly ginger under all that bleach!? Not my usual type, very muscly, but hell, that’s the fun of dating, right!? He’s also said he’s not looking for a relationship right now but doesn’t just want a one night stand either. He added that you can’t force falling in love and that it just happens, which I completely agree with. That’s actually a perfect situation I suppose, because I don’t exactly want a relationship and if so, not with someone who isn’t extremely intelligent with a degree… I have now decided that any boyfriend I do have must be at university or have a degree, at least. And actively seeking a career, not just a job. It’s the minimum requirement for me! So anyway… I suppose that could work. We could hang out, have fun, have awesome sex (he says he’s good and I can tell that he probably is, little slut!) and then if it fizzles out then it was nice while it lasted! He wants to take me out next week so we shall see!

There’s also another guy I’ve been speaking to. I’ve just got off the phone from him actually – an hour phone call and we only started messaging yesterday. He ticks lots of boxes but not others… Firstly, he’s only 5’7! Big issue there… I’m 5’4 and like a tall man! He’s also Indian. I don’t want to sound racist because it’s not meant at all in that way! But we all have types, just like there are lots of Indian men out there who wouldn’t even consider dating a ‘white girl’ or someone out of their culture/race. But he is good looking and isn’t ‘typical hindu’ – in that he isn’t overly obsessed with the religion, his parents allow mixed race relationships and he doesn’t have an Indian accent. He did a masters in criminology but a job with the Ministry Of Defence fell through and so is now working as a fashion buyer for NEXT. That’s pretty cool and he clearly has amazing dress sense. But it’s not exactly the doctor or solicitor I’m looking for! Also, I’m not sure I want a serious relationship right now. I want the dates and having someone and closeness, but not sure I want to completely commit… And it sounds like he does. But we will see! He wants to meet next Saturday to go shopping, for some food and to hang out. Then he will drop me home apparently.

We will see. There’s no harm in meeting him but I feel like in this country, dating isn’t just dating and having fun. It HAS to lead to a relationship or nothing. I had two dates with my first boyfriend and then after that, it was a two and a half year relationship. I feel like the days are numbered when you have dates. In Sex and The City (sorry to keep referencing it, I don’t base my life on TV series, I promise!) the women also date multiple men, which is seen as acceptable. And it is! You’re not exclusive, you’re not cheating. But around here, that would be frowned upon. It would be seen as going behind each others back and it would become ‘I spent money on you and you went for dinner with another guy!!!!’ 

Maybe I’m overthinking it all. Perhaps it will be fine. I don’t like putting myself into situations where I could possibly fall for them either… Neither tick all the boxes but my friends and family say ‘why not go on a date? If you have fun then it’s fulfilled it’s purpose!’ That’s correct, yes. Dates should be fun and that’s a great positive from being single. Makes up for the ‘lonely nights’ as such (I wouldn’t say I feel particularly lonely on my nights but it seems to be the common phrase associated with singletons…)